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On the 10th February 2012 I found out I was pregnant with our 1st baby, it was a bit of a shock as we weren’t planning on any children just yet, but once over the initial shock we were over the moon. We told our parents who were happy to. Everything was going quite smooth until I lost my job, then I had a bleed so had to have an early scan of which I took my mum to as Joel was at work and couldn’t get it off. After this everything seemed to go quite smoothly again well apart from all the morning sickness.

On the 5th March 2012, I had my first midwife appointment, my midwifes name is Diane Burton, and she is a lovely lady. Mum came with me as Joel was at work. At this time I was 8 weeks pregnant, going from the first day of my last period (08/01/2012). I discussed all the information to do with the pregnancy. I was booked in to see her again on the 22nd march 2012. I was convinced that it was the 19th march.

On the 19th March I went back to the doctors with dad to see Diane again, only 3 days early but she still saw me and did my blood tests. Dad found it funny that I was 3 days early and took the piss out of it but we were all laughing. When we got back home I told mum what had happened and she sat and laughed and said see I told you there was something about the 22nd.

Me and Joel went for our 12 week scan on 12th April 2012, we were apprehensive, I was scared but I was excited at the same time as I just wanted to see our baby and be told everything was ok. We had our scan but they didn’t give us the news we wanted to hear, they told us that our baby had abnormalities. They asked us if we wanted to see the scan while they explained it to us, we said yes, of course we wanted to see our baby. They told us that our baby had exomphalus and a cystic area in the lower abdomen possibly an enlarged bladder. They never printed us off a scan picture; I don’t know why even though we had paid to get two, they just refunded our money. When the sonographer had left the room I rang my mum and asked her and dad to come down to the hospital to us, I wouldn’t let them discuss anything else with me until I had them with us. They sent us to prenatal diagnostics to discuss things with them like what caused it, why it was there, they told us that it was possibly linked with a chromosomal abnormality and recommended that we had further tests to rule these out. They made an appointment for us in oxford at john Radcliff hospital for the 16th April 2012.

On the 16th April 2012 I went to oxford with mum and dad as Joel had just started his new job and couldn’t have the time off as he had to do his training. Dad came in with me while they did the counselling with me, I told them I wanted to have the cvs done. We then went back in to the waiting room until they called me through to have a scan and have the CVS done. Dad came with me as I wanted his hand to hold on to. They tried to scan me 1st but couldn’t see anything as my bladder was so full, they sent me to the loo and I couldn’t get out of that room quick enough. I went back in and they did the scan, my baby was being an accoward bugger, just like me, it was laid on its belly, I wanted it to move but the furthest it moved was on to its head and was doing headstands, it just wouldn’t keep still. Dad was amazed by the whole scan, dad watched intently while they did the cvs; I sat and looked at the screen focusing on my baby trying to think positive. I was going to ask for a scan picture at this appointment but with the pain that I was in from the CVS, I had forgot all about getting a scan picture, it wasn’t until on my way home that I remembered about it and my heart sank. They told me I would get the initial results back on the 19th or 20th April. However they rang me on the 17th April.

On the 17th April 2012, the hospital rang me to give me the results, they asked me if I wanted them over the phone, I told them it depends what they are, they urmed and arghed and told me it was my decision. I was going to get Joel from the train station and go down to the hospital with Joel to get the results but couldn’t as they finished at 4.30pm and I knew Joel wouldn’t be back in time. I sat there and felt I had to have them, I couldn’t not know the results knowing that they had them back. I was sat at home on my own so I told them just to tell me, they asked me to confirm my full name and date of birth of which I did. They then said I’m sorry it’s not good news, your baby has got Edwards syndrome. I felt like my world had stopped, the hospital booked me an appointment for 18th April 2012 to go and see them and discuss things once again. I rang my mum and told her, she got Joel from the train station and bought him home. I got Joel to come and sit with me, I just looked at him, told him I was sorry, I had the results back from the hospital and that our baby has got Edwards syndrome. I just broke down in tears in his arms, we had a chat, I told him I couldn’t go through with a termination as I wouldn’t be able to live with myself and that we would always have all the what ifs, how long would it have lived, what would it have looked like. I said to Joel that I felt like I had to give this baby a chance even though I knew it will die at some point, but I will just be grateful for that time with our baby and just to see our baby. We eventually went to bed after we had had a shower; we just laid there in each other’s arms and cried ourselves to sleep. It felt like our hearts had been broken in to a thousand pieces. I think it must have been about 11pm or midnight before we fell asleep. I woke up at 3am, laid in bed until 4.30am and had to get up, I just couldn’t cope with laying there staring at the 4 walls in a dark room, it was driving me mad. So I got up, along with my laptop and mobile phone, I put the television on and lay on the sofa writing this. I believe I have to give our baby a chance as I can’t bring myself to play god, it has lived this far and only 5% of babies get this far so there is no way I feel I can bring myself to just give up on our baby now. I know when I go down the hospital they will try and push me towards a termination as they just see my baby as incompatible with life but just because they want me to give up I’m not doing it. Joel got up at 5.20 am to get ready to go to work, he panicked because I wasn’t in bed when he woke up, he came down to see where I was, he looked at me and said what are you doing up at this time, I told him I couldn’t sleep so I had to get up. Joel then carried on getting ready for work, then came down and gave me a cuddle and a kiss, and told me he loved me and he would never stop loving me, he sent me back to bed at 6am and told me to try and get some sleep. I feel asleep at some point, I think I cried myself back to sleep and woke up at 8.20am, sitting in the house on my own I felt so alone, I got dressed and put one of Joel’s t-shirts on I then put his necklace on just so that I got some of him with me when I have to go to the hospital.

On 18th April 2012, I went to the hospital with mum and dad to speak to the specialist midwife about the results and what to do next. I was told that our baby defiantly had Edwards syndrome, it was unlikely to be partial and its very unlikely that its mosaic either, but got told the only way to rule out a mosaic results is to have an amniocentesis done at 15 weeks or to have another CVS. I told them I didn’t want another CVS done; I would rather have an amniocentesis done. They have booked me in to see an obstetric consultant on 24th April. This is to have a review done, another scan and to have another discussion, I don’t care what they say I’m not going to give up on my baby, if nature takes it away from me or I miscarry then that is fine I can accept that easier but anything else I cannot accept, and I won’t do anything that I don’t want to do. The biggest question that I want answering is why but this is a question that no one can answer for me, all they say is it’s just one of those things, it’s bad luck and it’s not your fault.

On the 24th April 2012, we went to the hospital to meet the consultant. The consultant is lovely; he is a German man and is so down to earth. He did another scan and says all looks well, baby very active and likes doing headstands. He printed us off a picture so at last we finally have one to keep and treasure forever. He told us that we have a 95% risk of losing our baby during the pregnancy, we have a 30% risk of a stillborn baby and that I also have an increased risk of developing pre-eclamsia but this is a risk that I am willing to take just to know that I have given our baby the best chance I can give it. We had a good chat with the consultant they have said they won’t operate on our baby nor will they use a ventilator if our baby needs help with breathing, they say it’s all down to money but I believe they are just saying this as they class all baby’s with Edwards’s syndrome incompatible with life. However we have been told that they will give our baby fluids, pain relief and that it will be palliative care. Been speaking to Mel again who is a big help to us at the moment as she lost a little boy to Edwards, so she has been able to talk to us and give us advice as well as put us in contact with other people who chose not to carry on with the pregnancy. Mel also put us in contact with the co-founder of the SOFT charity who are having a weekend conference on the 5th and 6th may 2012. We wanted to go but didn’t think we could financially do it but they have said they will pay for us to go so we are defiantly going to go. We will meet other people who are in the same situation or have been in the same situation as us so we believe that it will give us a better understanding and will do us good just to get away for the weekend too. The hospital rang me up with some more appointments, we have our 20 week scan on 23rd May 2012 and we will see the consultant again on the 22nd June 2012. When we see the consultant again in June we will get given an appointment to see the paediatrician to discuss our baby and to ask any questions that we have. I see my midwife again on 2nd May 2012.

On 2nd May 2012, I saw my midwife, I didn’t see Diane as she has left and gone to delapre medical centre, but I saw another midwife called Jacqui. She is a lovely lady, she said she admired me for what I am doing and carrying on giving my baby a chance. She asked me if I wanted to listen to baby even though it was early and she said she shouldn’t really listen in. She said that baby was very active and had a good strong regular heartbeat. She could feel baby kicking her hand while she was listening in so I knew I wasn’t feeling things and that I wasn’t imagining it. Came out from seeing the midwife on a high today, it was music to my ears to hear my baby. I will see the midwife again at 25 weeks.

On 5th May 2012, we drove to Birmingham for the SOFT weekend conference, met some lovely people, some very interesting talks on Edwards syndrome. We broke for lunch, had a lovely meal and then went and sat in the quiet room for a bit to gather some thoughts. Wow the quiet room is absolutely beautiful, feeling so emotional due to the unknown and the what ifs with our baby. Came to our hotel room for some time out and then will go back down shortly to carry on meeting people and very special children. I knew the babies were small but I didn’t think they were as small as I have seen today; it has already opened up my eyes. Today has been a day of lots of presentations, lots of delicious food, plenty of drinks, a good swim and meeting some very inspiring children and adults.

On 6th may 2012 had a very good chat with Joel, it has opened up his eyes and changed his perspective on things, and it has also changed how he sees things and how he thinks. He is now able to understand my decisions and why I have made the choices that I have. Joel opened up this morning and said he spent some time last night with an amazing little boy called William, Joel has opened up a lot more now. Today has been a day of relaxing, chatting and making things. We made a candle holder each, did a star and a rainbow, these re something special that we can keep and treasure forever. It was an amazing weekend and we will defiantly be going again next year.

On the 10th May 2012, I sent an email to a charity in America called substaing Grace to see if we got get a 4d scan done. The email said “Hi I am emailing to see if I can get a 4d scan done of our baby, our baby was diagnosed with T18 when I was 12 weeks pregnant, our story so far is below. Before our baby was diagnosed with T18 I was working full time, my husband working full time. I then went on and got sacked due to my pregnancy and the time off that I had had as I had only just stated the job. things are proving difficult for us at the moment as we know we have a baby with T18 would love to have a 4d scan done but due to the fact of only having 1 wage coming in to the house which just about covers all our bills we can’t afford to have one done. We hope you can help us. Stacey and Joel Smith” I also attached a copy of our diary so far.

On the 14th May 2012 I got an email back from substaing grace saying yes they would pay for us to have a 4d scan. The email said “First of all, I want to let you know that Diane and I are saddened to hear of baby's diagnosis. We are, however, excited that you will soon be able see him or her alive and well and kicking around in your womb. We would love to make that possible for you and your family. Please call a non-medical ultrasound centres in your area that will allow us to pay by PAYPAL or by credit card on their website and set up an appointment for a session that allows you a long time with your baby and provides you with a DVD. Once you've done that, please e-mail us and let us know the date and time of your appointment and we will take care of it. By us paying for the session it indirectly notifies them of your situation which sometimes helps your session go smoother and sometimes they can go a little longer for you if they aren't pressed for time. These facilities are set up so that you can bring family and friends and we encourage you to do so. This gives them a chance to fall in love with your baby too. The beauty of these appointments is that there isn't a doctor hovering around you telling you things that are going wrong or could possibly go wrong. It's just you guys with your baby and its all good news. We hope you enjoy your ultrasound and look forward to seeing your beautiful pictures. As a couple who has recently gone through the same thing that you are going through right now, we would like you to feel free to call or email us at any time with any question or if you just need someone in to listen or to pray with. Our phone numbers are below. God bless, Scott and Diane Peterson I was sure by now, God, that you would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear you whisper through the rain, "I'm with you" and as your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm Casting Crowns”

On 23rd may 2012 we had our 20 week scan, I was only 18 weeks. We got told that our little baby is a little boy; we are going to call him Angelo Jack Smith. We have been told that he has got cysts on his brain (choroid plexus), his head is an irregular shape but we already knew that, his stomach is in his chest cavity so he probably has a diophramic hernia. Because his stomach is in his chest cavity it is pushing his heart to the right side of his chest. He has still got the omphacele but it does appear to be smaller .Apart from that everything else appears to be well. We saw the specialist midwife Andrea again today, she explained everything to us in more detail, yes ok we have an increased risk of an IUD or a still birth but that I will accept even though it will break my heart it will be what nature wants to do. We will love our son no matter what as he is our flesh and blood. Yes we are scared, scared of the unknown but we know that our little boy is a fighter and he is our hero no matter what. We love you son.

On the 25th May 2012, I sent an email back to substaing grace with details that I had found, the email said Hi Scott and Diane Can you pay through Google accounts with a credit card?? http://www.seeyourbaby.co.uk/packages-and-prices.php I have found this one which allows us 45 minutes with our baby on the 4d bonding enhanched.but having spoken to them on the telephone they did seem to be rushed and seemed like they didn’t want to answer my questions. Was on the phone to them for about 5 minutes. Have a look and get back to me to let me know if this is ok I have found baby bond too and they don’t rush either from speaking to them on the phone, I was on the phone to baby bond for about 20 minutes, they were very helpful and answered all of my questions. they take about half an hour to do each scan, can take longer depending on how baby is laying, they have said to do option 1 or option 2 as you get a DVD with them. I don't mind when it is booked for as long as it’s any Saturday towards the end of July so that I am around 26 weeks. It doesn’t matter what time as baby bond have said that I can ring up and change the date and time if needed. I would like it doing in Milton Keynes. They have also said that if needed you can book it in your name or in the charity name as I have made them aware of all the names. http://www.ultrasound-direct.com/babybond-pregnancy-scans/4d-scan/http://www.ultrasound-direct.com/babybond-booking/appointments/book1.aspx here are some details that you will need to book in for the scan. my edd is 24th october.it is a single pregnancy, Full name is Stacey Smith, address is 44 javelin close, Duston Northampton, nn5 6pl, contact number for me is 07826607957 or 01604 555707. I was recommended baby bond by a friend. have a look and get back to me to let me know what you think, I personally think baby bond is they better one of the two Many thanks Stacey and Joel Smith.

On the 28th May 2012 I decided to start doing a blog of our journey with our son, I had been writing a diary so I used everything from our diary. I will update it again when I find out when I have got my 4d scan and at my next appointment.

May 29th 2012, I am feeling so down and tearful today, don’t know why, cried over nothing, have had so many good days now just seem to be a downer, Angelo is wiggling around, he must know I’m down and upset and it’s his way of saying mummy cheer up, I’m still here and I love you. Going to go shopping with mum to distract my mind, got to hang out the washing and do my shopping list first else I will be going shopping and forgetting what I need and getting stuff that we don’t need. I also started email photographers at now I lay me down to sleep to see if I can find a photographer to come and do photos after our little man is born.

May 31st 2012 I have had emails back from 4 different photographers saying yes they will come and do us photos of our baby after he is born, we are over the moon. To date we haven’t received an email back from Substaing Grace as yet. I checked the statics on our blog today and to date we have had 262 views since I put it on 4 days ago, I am amazed as we have had 200 views in the UK, 50 in the US, 4 in Australia, 4 in Canada, 2 in Gibraltar, 1 in Ireland and 1 in Denmark. I can’t get over these statics considering it’s only been on for 4 days.

June 3rd 2012, I have only got 19 days until I see my consultant again and until I see my little man again, I can’t wait. I will be asking my the consultant to tell me the sex again as they said they were pretty sure they saw boys bits but were not 100% sure, let’s see what he says as it will be interesting to see if they change my little mans sex or not. I wrote to some true life story magazines to try and put some knowledge out there on Edwards’s syndrome by using my story so far. In all the time I have read true life magazines I can’t ever recall reading a story about Edwards Syndrome, I asked my mum the same question and she said no too. I have had a reply back from take a break and they have said no, I have had a reply back from real people asking me for some more information on our story for Wednesday so hopefully I will get a reply from them. I haven’t yet had a reply from pick me up, best or that’s life as yet. I looked on my blog again today and have had 455 view to date and it was only put on a week ago. I have had 372 views in the UK, 64 in the US, 5 in Canada, 4 in Australia, 3 in Gibraltar, 2 in Denmark, 1 in Switzerland, 1 in Germany and 1 in Ireland. I have had some lovely comments left too. I will put the comments in to here as some have been left on my blog and some on facebook.

Stacey this is amazing and has brought a tear to my eyes I am here if u need me and can’t wait to see picys of the 4d scan xxxx love shell x

So much love and hugs to you and your family hun, can't wait to see pics on here and dio xx charis xx

Reading this has brought tears to my eyes Stacey. You are all being so strong. Every day you are all in my thoughts. Keep strong for your son. Sending lots of hugs. Look forward to seeing your next scan pics. Love Teresa xx

everything you have said reminded me of how I felt in my pregnancy had a baby girl Isabella Louise edney with full t18 she was due 22/3/12 but arrived on the 2/4/12 she was 4lb 11oz we asked for feeding tube if needed but no breathing tubes but oxygen if needed and she did she was on feeding tube for 3 wks and went from strength to strength. . 13th June I rushed my lil to hospital struggling to breath and later went on to life support then to Bristol children hos were she got stronger but everything then changed in minutes on the 19th June were we decided it was best if we took tubes out and let her breath on her own and go when she wants she sadly past at 23.11 in her mummy’s and daddy’s arms, her funeral is 31st but all I can say is treasure every minute of the pregnancy and how ever long u have with your lil boy :-)x x x best of luck huni I hope all goes as smoothly as pos x x x

Please keep us updated hun. You are such a strong woman and mum. Angelo will be so proud. Lisa XX

Stacey, you are amazingly strong and reading your blog brought tears. Wish you love xxxxx CraftyMummy

It's very interesting and it's lovely you've decided to share your journey x Emma

U deserve every view nd many more ur amazing Hun x Roxanne

Stacey your blog is wonderful. I had tears in my eyes. Wishing you, Joel and Angelo well, lots of love Donna and my angel India xx

So far a journey to treasure already, chin up and always keep smiling, here if u need me cuz. Xx Diane

Have read your blog, and find it heart warming, and inspirational,I think its great that your so positive, and can appreciate your decision to give your beautiful baby boy a chance in this world x x Holly

Beautiful babe x Kim

A lovely blog, thank you for sharing xxxx beautiful blog and beautiful scan pictures xxx Leonie

beautiful hun xx Charis

beautiful xxxxx Shelley

So beautiful you are such a strong person and an inspiration x Sarah Louise

So beautiful I am sitting here in tears, you are a very brave couple xx Rachel

Sat and sobbed through this, you are such an inspiration and so brave! Im sure angelo knows he has wonderful parents! Massive love for you both x Hana

Thats a beautiful blog, and shows the bond and strenght of a Mothers love. Casting crows lyrics are amazing, I love their songs. Love to you and your family xxxx Theresa

so beautiful. You are an inspiration. I cried so much...so much admiration for you. Your little boy is so lucky to have you both. Xxxx Naomi

aawww so lovely tears in my eyes bless ♥ xxx Sammy Jobo

So beautiful made me cry, your so strong and I admire you for it xxx Cleo

Oh wow Stacey u r an amazing person and Joel too. I was in tears reading this. Angelo is a very lucky little man xo Nadene

Stacey, this is beautiful and so powerful. sending you, Joel and Angelo so much love and hope xxxx Jenna Jayne

I've been wondering how you've been getting on so will be really interested to read this. Will save it for a bit later though when my lo is in bed and I can concentrate. X x x Just finished reading. Wishing you, your husband and baby Angelo the very best. Nothing stronger than a mothers love and your living proof of that x x Emma

This blog is so beautifully honest, you are so brave, wishing all 3 of you teh very best xxx Terry

Thank you for sharing this with us stacey xxx Kerry

Theres nothin I can say that can take ur fears away. Its really touching to read and your little baby boy is loved by all. Chin up hun, ur stronger than anyone can imagine xxx love to u all x Lindsey

xXx xXx John n Lou

♥ Rebecca

Beautiful ♥ thank you for sharing xxx Colleen

thanks for sharing my daughter is 15 years old with trisomy 18 Jude

We will be praying for you and little boy Angelo....and Joel. ♥ Sarah

Very touching. All the best to you Karin

hi stacey.iv just read ur blog.just want u to know that u r entitled to a free 4d scan on nhs.they do it at 30 weeks.i had a brillant consultant and I would of had one but I only got to 29 weeks.i was in the same boat we couldnt afford it so I spoke to her about it and she offered it for free.just try if not good luck and I look forward to reading ur blog x Katie

Wow Stacey , I read every single word you wrote in your blog x you and joel are incredible y brave and strong , I'm balking my eyes out x if you ever need anything please let me know your amazing. Me 2 kylie x don't even know how I'd cope x least she knows every single lady here is supporting her and all the other people out there who have met her and joel x Joanna

Echo what Joanna said, you are truely inspiring. It really does make you think about life in a completely different perspective. I actually feel privileged to be able to share this journey with you. X x Kylie

I really admire you and your hubby Stacey :) both so brave x x Sarah

Hey I jus read ur entire blog and omg I thought I was reading my life wiv what I went throu wen I was pregnant with kayla the exact same emotions the exact same things wot the consultant sed that she wnt able do nethin blah blah but I kept sayin she deserves a chance but I look at her now n think I've glad I kept to my decision because I wudnt have my beaut now!! My pregnancy was hell but soon as she came out screaming all that disappeared!! Stay positive hun they may say its all bad now but wot ur little man achieves is a bonus :)) that's how I thought neway xx Claire

Stacey, you are one amazing young lady!! Remember what we said when we met, they told us so many things were wrong with William, and they were wrong. The same as you we decided to let nature take it's course, and as you say, whatever will be,will be. He has loads of things 'wrong' but he still overcomes, despite the medical proffession. I have to say though, without medical intervention he wouldn't be here now, so push for what you feel is right, and check out your legal rights when it comes to the decisions made by'people in charge'. Much love to you, Joel and baby Angelo. Can't wait to meet you both again, you are so inspiring! XX ♥ Lizzie

Hi, It is a very important and good blog. Thank you. Hugs Karin

Because it's amazing...and so brave :) x Naomi

I have it bookmarked, I've made most of my family read it, they all think you and Joel are amazing x Hana

I may have it bookmarked.... :) Terry

Just had a read and a little cry, what an amazing lady you are x Laura

Awwwww thats awesome babes, just read the whole damn thing and blubbed, reminds me of my lil man, and his lil blog...lol we are so similar hun. Its lovely xxx Mel

Honestly Stacey, having not been in your situation I have a limited understanding but I really enjoyed reading your blog. It's a lot more understandable than medical jargon and as heartbreaking as some of it is it shows just how strong you are. Plus after reading that I feel a bit more informed and less likely to say something stupid/offensive without realising IYKWIM xx Kirsty

On 5th June 2012 I had an email from Substaing grace saying Yes, set up an appointment with See Your Baby and let me know when it is. Thanks, God bless, Scott and Diane Peterson I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you" and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm- Casting Crowns. I sent one back saying I have tried to set up the appointment with see your baby and its going straight through to payments and not showing up any dates or times. Baby bond show up dates and times on the booking page, would it be better to go here as its simpler to set up?? I would like the 28th July at 14.10 Thanks Stacey.

On the 6th June 2012 I had another email back from Substaing grace saying Sure. Do you need me to do it from my end? Do you need to pay at the same time as you set up the appointment? If so, let me know some times that work for you guys and we can set it up and pay at the same time. God bless, Scott and Diane Peterson I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you" and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm- Casting Crowns. I sent one back saying hi, yes it needs doing from your end, yes they want payment at the same time as booking appointment. not to fussed on the time as long as its afternoon, 2pm onwards is good. thank you Stacey and Joel. Finally 20 weeks so we are now half way there, carry on fighting son and proving the doctors wrong.

On the 8th June 2012 I had a day where I was feeling very down in the dumps, I couldn’t stop crying. Joel was there to pick me up again, he gave me a lovely cuddle and we sat and had a long chat about our son. All we both want is to get whets right for our son not to be told that he’s incompatible with life, we want medical professionals to have more hope and faith and to stop going on textbook cases.

On 10th June 2012, I looked at my blog and looked at the statics again today so far we have had 668 views. We have had 569 in the UK, 72 in the US, 6 in Australia, 5 in Canada, 4 in Gibraltar, 2 in Denmark, 2 in Ireland, 1 in Switzerland, 1 in Germany and 1 in Hungary. I can’t believe the comments that we have had and how many people have viewed it. By doing this I hope to raise people awareness on Edwards syndrome and I want our journey to help other people. Only 12 days until we see our son again, can’t wait.

On 18th June 2006 I have been thinking about the girls in the due in October group who have sadly lost their babies and have now got angel babies. It has bought home reality to think that this may well be me at some point, I just hope and pray that my little man is strong enough to hold on and carry on fighting so that we can meet him and have a cuddle because that is all we want more than anything else in the world. We have been listening to his heartbeat at night before we go to sleep, some nights he is far too active to be able to hear his heartbeat and other nights you can hear it perfect. I treasure every little movement, turn and kick that I feel him do; I just wish he would do it a bit harder so that his daddy can feel him too. Waking up in the mornings my belly is a very odd shape; it looks like my belly has been sucked in at my belly button so I haven’t got a clue what strange position my son is in. We only have another 4 days until we see our son again, we are hoping that the scan doesn’t show up any other problems than the ones that we already know about, but we just have to sit, wait and see. We are still thinking positive and taking each day as it comes, yes it’s not always easy but I believe that we have been given this special boy for a reason. I also believe that Mel’s angel baby Liam is helping to keep me strong, I also believe that it was Liam who got Mel to put her blog up and him who got me to read it before I knew about my Angelo. Yes Angelo does have his quiet days but he also has his days where he’s so active and won’t go to sleep. We are 22 weeks on Wednesday so he is fighting all the way; this just goes to prove it. No matter what happens I will love my son and he will always be special to us, in the long run he will make me and Joel stronger as a couple too. Our blog now has 928 views to date. It’s had 752 views in the UK, 131 views in the US, 12 views in Canada, 6 views in Australia, 6 views in Gibraltar, 4 views in France, 2 views in Germany, 2 views in Denmark, 2 views in Ireland and 1 view in Switzerland. I just can’t believe that every time I look that more and more people have read my blog and its going more and more around the world, I just hope that it opens people’s eyes and raises so much more awareness out there.

On 19th June 2012 I received an email from Substaing grace saying my wife is going to try to set up an appointment on Thursday or Friday this week after 2:00. We will let you know when it is set up and paid for. God bless, Scott and Diane Peterson I was sure by now, God, that you would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear you whisper through the rain, "I'm with you" and as your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm- Casting Crowns. I sent one back saying ok thank you very much, when its booked will you confirm which one it has been booked with for me please? Thank you Stacey

20th June 2012, we are now 22 weeks pregnant, little man quite active today. 2 more days until we see him again on scan, can’t wait just hoping that he carries on fighting proving the doctors wrong and hopefully they don’t pick anything else up that is wrong other than what we already know. Took a photo today of my bump. Dad sent me an email with some links for another case of Edwards Syndrome. Reading these makes me so much more determined to fight all the way. The links are http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/north_west/3738874.stm, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-323247/Why-doctors-convinced-baby-Luke-die.html and http://www.socialsecuritydisability.tv/compassionate-allowances/edwards-syndrome-social-security-disability. There is no way I will give up without a fight. Nature can do whatever it wants to do but I won’t play god with my son’s life as he is our little star, he’s our fighter. Love you so much Angelo Jack. Spoke to Dad on the phone for an hour tonight about Angelo Jack, bloody miracle, dad never stays on the phone for that long. I received a phone call from Substaing Grace tonight and an email confirmation saying that they have booked my 4D scan for the 28th July at 14.10, I have my 4D scan at baby bond in Milton Keynes. I am having option 1 done which means we will get a well being checklist, growth report with fetal weight estimation, complementary sexing if desired, 3d thermal black and white images throughout the scan, 6 colour gloss 3d scan prints, a DVD scan recording in a sleeve, and baby bond USB memory stick with 3d still images with a choice of a blue, pink or white baby bond bag to take home. Can’t wait to have my 4D scan done now, so excited about it, as I am sat writing this tonight I can feel Angelo Jack moving around, it’s his playtime now.

On 22nd June 2012 we saw our consultant with the specialist midwife, he did another scan on our son, and he printed us off 3 precious scans pictures. He didn’t pick up any abnormalities that we didn’t already know about, the only new thing that he picked up was that our son has got rocker bottom feet but that really doesn’t bother us at all as we will love our son no matter what. My placenta is working well on the left hand side but poorly on the right hand side, they have said that overall it is ok and nothing needs to be done at this current stage. We have been told that they will monitor me intermittently with the Doppler so I don’t have to have continuous monitoring if I don’t want to. I have already decided that I want to be able to move around while I am in labour and not strapped to a bed. I have been told that they won’t do a caesarean section under any circumstances as they don’t want to put me through major surgery. Originally I wanted a home birth but have since decided that I now want a hospital birth even though I have been told I can still have a home birth. I may well go for a water birth if I they allow me to as I have told them I want to be treated as low risk as possible. We have been told that Angelo will probably have difficulties breathing at birth due to his diaphragmatic hernia but they won’t ventilate. I don’t have to see the consultant again until I am 32 weeks pregnant however he wants me to see the midwife every 2 weeks to keep an eye on my blood pressure We saw another specialist midwife called Jane who we discussed with baptism of Angelo, we have been given her phone number so that we can contact her with any other questions. We have had the referral done to the paediatrician team; we will get an appointment in the post. Next appointment is on the 12th July with my community midwife, then 4d scan on 28th July and then on 31st August to see consultant again. I only have to go back to the hospital before August if Angelo is not moving but his so active at times so yes we will carry on living on hope and faith, carry on taking each day as it comes and carry on preying that Angelo carries on fighting and proving the doctors wrong. I am over the moon today as I have seen him and I know that he’s ok, he’s still growing. He is a strong boy and he’s our little fighter, love you so much Angelo Jack Smith.

23rd June 2012 been out most of the day today, went to Laurissa’s school fete with mum, peter and Laurissa, I sat with the kids for a bit while mum took Nicholas to get his suit for his school prom, then I came home had a shower and got ready to go out all over again. We went to a special party tonight, a party that would have been one of Joel’s friends 30th birthday party. RIP Michael, sleep tight. Everybody lit a candle for Michael and floated it on the pond. Even though I didn’t know Michael, from everything that I have been told about him he has got a special place in my heart and I know that he will look after our son with my sister and granddad if he goes up to heaven to meet him, he will play football with our son. It was a good night but I did get a bit tearful as it made me think of me and Joel in the future as we don’t know what the future holds for us with our son, we don’t know if he will be an angel or if he will be here with us. Given all of his problems he will probably be an angel as the doctors have given up on him, but even if he is an angel he will still be our special boy and we will still be a mum and a dad but just in a different kind of way. Angelo Jack has had his feet in my ribs most of the night tonight; he’s been a little wrigglier, hopefully he settles down before I go to bed. I have got a few pictures to go with tonight’s update but I will upload them as soon as they are emailed across to me.

24th June 2012, we are now 22 weeks and 4days today. I laid on the sofa this morning listening to music, little man quite active this morning, saw my belly move for the first time ever, tried getting him to do it again so that I can record it to show his daddy but he’s not done it since. Feels like my boobs have started to leak some sort of fluid too as I woke up this morning with clear wet stuff on my arm and it lined up perfectly with my boob, I haven’t got a clue what it is though. Rang my mum saying mum my boobs are leaking clear stuff what the hell is it? Mum was laughing and said its ok it’s all normal, that will be something that we never forget. My boobs have defiantly started leaking now. Joel is over the moon as he finally felt Angelo Jack move and kick him, it’s the first time he has felt him so it brought tears to his eyes and he went to sleep with a big smile on his face. It took ages to get Angelo Jack to move and to kick Joel, we had to play football songs to him to make him move, he’s defiantly his father’s son but he’s got both of our stubborn streaks in him.

27th June 2012 went to Laurissa’s sports day at school today then went back to mum and dads after. Laurissa enjoyed her sports day and she did really well bless her. My little man was wiggling around while I was sat watching her, Laurissa said to all the other children this is my big sister and she’s having a baby, bless her little heart.

28th June 2012 I received an email from sustaining grace saying Hi Stacey: I'm so sorry -- Scott and I were supposed to send you the confirmation info for your appointment. We are in the process of transitioning the paperwork and emails for Sustaining Grace from Scott to me (Diane) and we haven't gotten our act fully together yet (and I think he was confused about the date you wanted, but I found it in an old email). In any event, yes, you are booked at the Milton Keynes location for the date and time you requested: July 28 at 14:10. You confirmation is attached. I booked the largest package I could get for you so you would get as many photos and the DVD, as well as the maximum time. Please confirm that you received this, and let me know if you have any questions at all! I promise I'll be better about answering more quickly. :) I will call the facility and pay the balance of the cost before your appointment. Please go and have a wonderful time!! God bless, Scott and Diane Peterson I was sure by now, God, that you would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear you whisper through the rain, "I'm with you" and as your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm- Casting Crowns. I sent an email back saying Hi Scott and Diane Yes I have got the confirmation, when I have had the scans done, I will attach them all in an email so that you and Scott can enjoy them too. Thank you so much for doing this for myself and my husband, it means so much to us. Stacey and Joel.

29th June 2012 we are now 23 weeks and 2 days, little man is still going strong, and he likes to wiggle around in the mornings and last thing at night. Have got lots to do today so need to get on and do it but really can’t be bothered today but its jobs that have to be done.

1st July 2012 we are now 23 weeks and 4 days, little man has been quite active today, was sat watching a video of angel baby Liam and Angelo Jack started to move about and kick me. Been to Mum and Dad’s house for dinner tonight, was absolutely lush, came home took some pictures of my bump and had a shower. Put plenty of coco butter on my belly and then came and sat with Joel chilling out watching American pie again. Got 11 days until I see the midwife again and 27 days until our 4d scan, can’t wait to see our special little boy again. Let’s see if Angelo Jack goes mad when I go to bed again tonight and if he wakes me up again in the morning, he’s a little monkey but I treasure every movement and kick that he gives me, every day is special to us as is every week and month that passes. Each week is another week closer to meeting our special boy and holding him in our arms. Angelo Jack we love you millions.

6th July 2012, I received a phone call from the hospital giving me a list of appointments to see the paediatric consultant. We are seeing the paediatric consultant of Friday 13th July 2012 at 10am. I will go and see them armed with my list of questions and will fight to do anything for my son. He has been quite quiet today but has moved a bit, just to reassure myself I listened to his heartbeat when I went to bed, I had it very clear and loud, the clearest I have ever had it, heard it for about 10 minutes then he decided to move away from it and start kicking the monitor the little monkey.

7th July 2012, I went to Kim and Paul wedding today, little man so active comparing to yesterday, he was kicking my bladder all the way through the service and then when it came to eating a meal he started to kick my ribs. Had lots of pictures taken and I took a few too. The weather wasn’t too bad; it was quite good to us. It makes me laugh because I got up at 8.30am had a shower, put my cream on, got dressed and did my make-up, all of that took me an hour so it was 9.30am before I had any breakfast, I washed up and then put my shoes on and went straight out the door for the bus in town. Had to go and get a pair of tights as the pair I had were laddered, then walked down to a friend’s house, had a drink, got changed topped up my make-up and then left to go to the wedding. Went to the reception and then Joel came to pick me up at half 5 to go to his parents as we were having a takeaway curry with them. By the time we got home it was about 8.30 pm I was absolutely shattered so went to bed and put the television on in bed and fell asleep with it on.

8th July 2012, spoke to Nan and Granddad this morning as when I was in town the other day I got some fresh carrots, broccoli and peas. Started preparing dinner and couldn’t remember what to do with the peas so rang Granddad to ask him, he found it hilarious and couldn’t help but laugh, I think it’s a bit of a baby brain moment.

10 July 2012, we went to bed at about 11pm, we lay in bed and cuddled up together. Joel put his hand on my belly and could feel Angelo Jack moving about; he fell asleep with his hand on my belly giving his son a cuddle. Angelo Jack was sticking his foot out last night too.

11th July 2012, have midwife tomorrow, went to dentist today, survived it even though I could feel my heart rate going up, Angelo Jack certainly sensed it as he was kicking away the whole time as if to say mum it’s ok calm down please. We walked to the bakery afterwards to get some lunch and we defiantly enjoyed it. I set up a page on facebook for Angelo Jack, the link is https://www.facebook.com/groups/262631393838701/. My blog has gone mad as we have had 2134 views, it has been viewed in the UK, US, Russia, Canada, Australia, Denmark, Singapore, Germany, Ireland, Israel, France, Argentina, South Africa, New Zealand, Gibraltar, Switzerland, Hungary and Chilli.

12th July 2012, I have seen the midwife today, she measured my bump and its measuring bang on dates, measuring 25 centimetres and I am 25 weeks and 1 day today. Heard little mans heartbeat again today too, it was 145 beats per minute; he was a little monkey to let us listen to it. He was sleeping until my midwife Jacqui started prodding and poking him so he started to move around and play football with the Doppler, he kicked it off of my belly but it was so funny. I recorded his heartbeat on my phone so that I have got a recording of him. I have to have a glucose tolerance test on the 27th July, oh the joys of being starved from 10pm the night before. I see the midwife the following week. We see the paediatric consultant tomorrow. I had a phone call from great Ormond Street telling me to get a referral done to University College London Hospital and then they will refer me to great Ormond Street to tell me if they will operate on him when Angelo is born, providing all is ok and he is alive. I’m not getting my hopes up as I don’t know what the outcome will be but I am trying my hardest to do everything that I can possibly do for my son. Angelo Jack is so active tonight, I have had a bath which has calmed him down a bit but I don’t know how long for. Only 17 days left until we have our 4d scan and see our son again, I can’t wait, I’m so excited, and I feel like a kid with a new toy.

13th July 2012, I have seen the paediatric consultant today, I think they are useless. They have told us that they won’t ventilate or operate on our son, he can have oxygen. They think that he will probably be born sleeping but if he’s not then they think he will only live for minutes. They think that he will be born looking very blue and he will struggle to breathe due to his diaphragmatic hernia and his lungs not being developed properly. I wish that I could take it all away from my son and that it was me who had it. They have said that if he proves them wrong and lives for hours and is making an effort to breathe then they will put a feeding tube in place, will give him oxygen and pain relief. They won’t take him away from us and put him on his own. We will have a private room at the back of the labour ward away from everyone else. I know whatever happens nobody can take away the fact that me and Joel will still and always will be his mum and dad. I have got some more reading and research today but I know with his problems his chances are slim but I just have to hang on to hope and faith. I know deep down that we will probably lose our son but he will always remain in our hearts. Went out with Mum, Laurissa, Peter, Mums friend and her daughter to berserk to distract my mind while Joel was at work, as I was driving myself mad sitting at home on my own. I am laid in bed with my laptop on my belly watching tele and Angelo Jack is going mad kicking away and sticking his bum out, I think it’s his way of saying mum move the laptop it’s not comfy. Angelo means messenger and angel and Jack is after my granddad. Angelo Jack is out little miracle, I just hope he has the strength to carry on fighting and prove everyone wrong. Angelo Jack mummy and daddy love you so much, you are our world and you mean everything to us. You will and are making mummy and daddy so much stronger even though it doesn’t feel like it at times.

14th July 2012 we went to Nottingham today, we went to see some friends and go to Natalie’s baby shower, we had a right laugh, it was a good night. Joel stayed at Natalie’s house with the men they had takeaway while we had picky bits, drinks and games. I kept moaning at Joel on the drive over to Nottingham because Joel put some music on and Angelo Jack decided to start wiggling about and kicking my bladder, not a very good move with a full bladder. It was late before we got home so when we got home we went to bed and put the tele on, we laid in bed watching tele and had a drink before going to sleep. Angelo Jack was a wiggler most of the night, it was nice to feel him so much in one night, although he did keep waking me up so I had to keep getting up to have a wee all night long.

15th July 2012 we didn’t wake up until 11.30 this morning, couldn’t believe it as we never sleep in until that time. Got up at 12.30 and made Joel a bacon sandwich and I had an egg sandwich, we went out at 13.30 and had a cavery lunch with Joel’s parents, brother, his brothers girlfriend, nieces and nephew. After lunch we went back to Joel’s parent’s house had a chat and a drink before falling asleep in the conservatory, we then came home; I did some of the housework while Joel cut the grass. Angelo Jack has been very quiet today, probably because we have had late nights all weekend and he has been quite active all weekend so he’s having a lazy day. We will listen to his heartbeat later on tonight when we go to bed just to make sure he’s ok and put our minds at rest, we will listen if he’s playing ball and doesn’t do his usual trick of moving and kicking the monitor as soon as I put it on, he’s such a little monkey but we wouldn’t change him for anyone or anything. Mummy and Daddy love you so much Angelo Jack.

16th July 2012, Angelo Jack gave us a heart attack today, I hadn’t felt him move since 11 pm last night, and I started to panic so I rang my midwife. She sent me down the hospital to be seen and checked over, had a scan to check and all is ok. Angelo Jack Smith you are a little sod for scaring mummy and daddy today by not moving, went to the hospital and got checked out, the little sod is fine; he soon started wiggling when they scanned him just to check he was ok. All the water levels are fine and we got told that his growth is not bad considering his condition, he on the lower end of average, let’s hope he stays that way. We love you Angelo Jack but we don’t appreciate you giving us a heart attack, carry on growing, fighting and proving the doctors wrong but at least we got a sneaky look at you again today, you little monkey

19th July 2012, Angelo Jack has been quiet today but he was having a big party yesterday. I have been out catching up with friends today so haven’t been at home much. Had a nice bath tonight too as have got a lovely clean bed to get in to tonight, can’t wait but I officially know I’m pregnant when I can’t get out of the bath, had to shout Joel to come and help me and he found it hilarious, he said ok see you in an hour I’m just going to the pub, cheeky sod. Only 9 days until we see our son again but this time on a 4d scan, really can’t wait for it, I really want to see what he looks like.

25th July 2012, today we are now 27 weeks, another week has gone by and he’s still fighting and proving everyone wrong. He is our little fighter, a special miracle. Had a bbq at mum and dad’s house today, then went on to have a massive water fight, we soaked dad through but it was such a laugh, Mum and dad we laughing, the kids were laughing and Joel was laughing too, we were all in hysterics. You would think by now that dad would know me and my little tricks but obviously not, I say to dad let me have the hose I want to play with the kids and then turn it on him, oh my god it was such a laugh, can’t believe how much we were laughing tonight. When we were laid in bed tonight Angelo Jack was going mad, he was off on one, Joel felt him kick nice and strong for the first time as he went to sleep with his hand on my belly, he kicked Joel’s hand about 10 times, it was so nice. I can only picture the look on Joel’s face in my mind as we were laid in a dark room but I can imagine that it would have been a picture. I love my two boys so much, Angelo Jack is our little fighter and Joel is my hero.

26th July 2012, only 2 more days to go until we see our son on 4d scan, we are so excited for it, it will be amazing. We have now got 100 members on Angelo Jacks page on facebook. We have had 2696 views of my blog to date, its been viewed in the UK, US, Australia, Canada, Russia, Singapore, Gibulatar, Ireland, Germany, France, South Africa, United Arab Emirates, Denmark, Israel, Argentina, New Zealand, Australia, Switzerland Hungary and Chilli. It seems like its getting further and further around the world, its amazing to know how many people have looked at my blog and have read it. I know i am doing my part to get awareness out on to the world on Edwards syndrome.

28th July 2012, well today is finally the day for our 4d scan, can’t wait to see our son again, we are so excited. Joel’s parents came with us for our 4d scan, they came and picked us up at 1pm, we got over to baby bond at about 1.40; we went for a walk and then back to baby bond for our scan. We had a small problem which was that the charity forgot to make payment for our scan; we couldn’t get hold of anyone as the charity is based in America. We resolved the problem by Joel’s parents finishing paying off the balance for us so that we were able to have our scan done. When I got home I sent an email to America to try and sort out the problem and to try to get my Father in laws money back. It was amazing to see our son in 4d, he looks like his daddy but my parents can see me in him too. Half way through the scan Angelo Jack had decided that he had had enough, he kept putting his hands up to his face to hide his face and then he turned his back to us, he’s so stubborn and cheeky. I went for another walk for about half hour and had a chocolate bar and bottle of fizzy cold lucozade. When we got back he had moved and decided to play ball again, he gave us some beautiful pictures. I will put some of them on here as there are 69 images in total, if you would like to see all of them then they can be viewed on facebook on Angelo Jacks page, the link is https://www.facebook.com/groups/262631393838701/ Please feel free to request to join and we will add you to the group so you can view and comment on his pictures. The lady that did our 4d scan was amazing, she was very patient and took her time, she couldn’t see an omphalecele like the doctors said he had got, she could however see a cyst in the cord close to the abdominal wall so hopefully she is right, when I see my consultant I will be challenging him. Angelo Jacks estimated weighted is 2lbs 2 ozs so he’s not as small as doctors have made out, hopefully he will be about 4 and a half lbs when he’s born.

29th July 2012, yesterdays experience had made me think about helping others. It has inspired me to set up my own charity in order to help other mummy’s and daddy’s with trisomy babies. Without somebody telling me and putting me in contact about the charity that helped us then we wouldn’t have known about them and we wouldn’t have been able to have our 4d scan done. I have looked around in the UK and cannot see any charity that does the same thing or similar to what the charity in America does. This will be a long term goal that I set myself to do.

2nd August 2012, I went and saw the midwife this afternoon, it wasn’t my usual midwife either, I didn’t like her, she was rude and rather abrupt, dad came with me and he thought the same. Midwife sent me down the hospital to be monitored as Angelo Jack had been having reduced movements yesterday and today. I went down to the hospital at 3pm and came out at about 8.30 pm, 5 and a half hours of boredom, I sat around for the first 2 hours waiting to be seen, I was eventually called and put on to a CTG machine to monitor Angelo Jacks heartbeat and movements, the little sod made me out to be a liar because as soon as I was put on the machine he started moving and going mad, I defiantly have one cheeky boy in my belly who like to keep me on my toes and give me a scare. At about 6.45 they took me off the monitor and sent me for a walk for half an hour to try and get him to quieten down a bit, me and dad went to the canteen to get some dinner as I was starving. I went back to the day unit at about 7.15pm and was put back on the monitor; Angelo Jack was still very active. I sat on the machine and saw the doctor at about 7.50. The doctor had a chat with me, had a look at the trace and was happy to send me home, I finally got home at about 8.30 pm after taking dad underwear shopping.

4th August 2012, Angelo Jack has been quite active again today; I think he is making up for his quiet spell that he has had this week. I finally had to take my rings off and belly bar out, my rings are feeling very tight and i keep catching my belly bar which is making my belly button red and sore. I feel so bare without them. We are now 28 weeks and 3 days, he’s still proving the doctors wrong, he is out little fighter and a miracle baby. Carry on fighting Angelo Jack; mummy and daddy love you so much.

12th August 2012, we are now 29 weeks and 4 days, Angelo was on a quiet day, well until we went to bed, he decided that he was going to start using daddy’s hand as a football, it was so nice to feel and to hear daddy getting excited with every movement and kick that he felt. My belly button is starting to pop out now too.

13th August 2012 I decided to make a cake today but it was a disaster, I was reading the scales wrong when I was making it and didn’t realise until after. Angelo you are making mummy’s brain turn to mush but I love you so much and wouldn’t change a thing. Looked at the stats for my blog today, we have had 3313 views of our blog to date, it has been viewed in the UK, US, Australia, Canada, Russia, Singapore, Gibulatar, Ireland, Germany, France, South Africa, United Arab Emirates, Denmark, Israel, Argentina, New Zealand, Australia, Switzerland Hungary, Chilli, Philippines, Pakistan, and Netherlands.

16th August 2012, we are now 30 weeks and 1 day in to the pregnancy. I saw the midwife today, bump is still growing, it was measuring 29 centimetres today, heart rate was nice and regular, Angelo is still lying transverse, and he’s been like that since 27 weeks so he must be comfy. The glucose test that I had done came back normal; iron levels came back fine at 12.2, blood group is o positive and has no antibodies either. Just booked a hotel for next weekend to go and meet Mel and Steve (Trisomy Angel baby Liam’s mummy and daddy), so excited for that. I also see a new consultant at another hospital next week too, it seems like they have so much more hope and from speaking to them they are willing to give our son a chance as I know I will not give up without a fight and neither will our son. Angelo has been quite active today, he kicked the midwife when she was listening to his heartbeat and prodding my belly to get a measurement. Angelo the only thing that I wish for is that you would stop making yourself comfy on my sciatic nerve, it’s so painful for mummy and all daddy can do is call me and old lady and laugh as I keep grabbing on to things to walk around the house and limp. I have such a strong little boy who likes to be cheeky and I know he won’t give up without a fight either.Angelo’s nanny and pappy came back from Norway and bought him back a little moose teddy; they bought us back a beautiful angel.

18th August 2012 we are now 30 weeks and 3 days in to the pregnancy, it seems like it’s going so quickly. I am getting scared now as Angelo’s due date is getting closer and closer, I know he’s a little fighter but I want him to stay in my belly forever, I want him to stay there as I know he’s ok in there. I feel him move everyday and listen to his heartbeat daily, this is a feeling that I never want to lose. I suppose it’s the fear of the unknown as we take each day as it comes because we don’t know what will happen from day to day. I know while he is in me he’s growing, he has a good heartbeat and he’s safe, I believe it’s the safest place for him. Angelo Jack carry on fighting, mummy and daddy love you so much

20th August 2012, we are now 30 weeks and 5 days in to the pregnancy. Today is our 1st Wedding Anniversary, I have been looking back thinking of our special day, yes we have had many challenges in our 1st year of marriage but it makes us stronger as a couple, we have overcome the challenges and this is the first year of many. I entered our blog in to a Nuby Blogger Competion too today, it’s a competition for 1st time mummy’s, I think our blog is a special one as its about us and our special little boy. Only 3 more days until I go to Milton Keynes hospital and see a new consultant who is willing to give our son the best possible chance at life, I’m so excited as I will be having another scan as well so I will get to see our beautiful son again. So excited for the weekend as we are going away for the weekend to meet Liam’s mummy and daddy, really looking forward to it.

22nd August 2012, we are now 31 weeks exactly. I see my new consultant tomorrow at Milton Keynes hospital. Today is mum and dad’s 3rd wedding anniversary and they have been together 28 years. Today I have spent most of my day thinking about Angelo but also about my big sister as it would have been her 25th birthday today. RIP Andrea, you are always in my mind. Happy Birthday sis, love you, xxxxxxx.

23rd August 2012, I saw my new consultant today, wow he is amazing, and such a lovely man. Angelo still growing, estimated weight now 2lbs 15ozs, have got a bit of polyhydramenious now. Liked the consultant that I saw he’s lovely, yes ok got told the facts and the figures but they are so much more positive, they did another scan and can’t say for definite if he’s got his bowels on the outside or not, abdominal wall is an abnormal shape, consultant agreed with the finding of cyst in the cord and stomach being in the chest cavity. The little bugger is head down and quite low already. I hope he doesn’t think that he’s making an appearance anytime soon. I have got another scan picture to put in, I will do that as soon as I have got dad to scan it in to the computer for me. Off to Sutton Bridge tomorrow to meet Mel and Steve, so excited I can’t wait for it.

24th August 2012, we left home at 8am this morning and got to Sutton Bridge at 10am, only had to stop once because I needed a wee and to change over driving. Mel and Steve are lovely, we had a laugh, went and checked in to the hotel at about half 6 and then went out for a meal at about half 7. It was a lovely meal, you couldn’t get any more food on to the plate if you tried, you certainly couldn’t moan about the portion sizes. We got back to the hotel at about 10 after going to the garage to get something to drink and to get some ice-cream before going back to the hotel.

25th August we are now 31 weeks and 4 days, we woke up at 8am, laid in bed until about 9, got up and had a shower, packed everything up before we went back to Mel’s and Steve’s for breakfast. Steve cooks and amazing fry up, he can certainly cook that again for me anytime of the week. We sat chatting and watching tele until Mel had to go work and then left at about 4, went to McDonalds for mcflurry which I finally got after craving it for so long. We got back in to Northampton at about 6; me and Joel went for a meal and then got home at about 7. We are both knackered but it was worth it, the weekend was amazing, it was full of laughs and one that we certainly won’t be forgetting any time soon, can’t wait to do it all over again.

28th August 2012, we are now 31 weeks and 6 days; Angelo Jack decided he was going to be awkward and stubborn today as he decided he was not going to let me feel him move. I went down the hospital at 1.30pm to get everything checked and he soon started to move about, I got put on the CTG machine for half an hour to check his heart rate and monitor his movements, I felt him once in the whole time that I was on it. Then had to sit and wait for the doctor to review everything. The doctor came around and did another scan on him, he’s growing well, his estimated weight is now 3 pounds and 7 ounces, the doctor checked all of the blood flow to the cord and placenta and said that it is all good, they think the reason that I’m not feeling him as much as I should is because I have got extra fluid around Angelo and that he’s not staying in the same position. He has flipped around and is back with his head under my ribs. I finally got home at 6pm, after another 4 and a half hours being spent down the hospital.

29th August 2012, we are 32 weeks today. I am so proud of our son as we are somewhere where doctors said we would never get to. Angelo has moved more today, I am enjoying every movement and kick that he gives me. I looked at the stats for our blog today, it has had 6356 views to date, and it seems to have gone mad. It has been viewed in the UK, US, Australia, Russia, Canada, Slovenia, Ireland, New Zealand, Germany, France, Netherlands, Switzerland, Argentina, Isle Of Man, Singapore, Gibraltar, South Africa, United Arab Emirates, Denmark, Israel, Hungary, Chilli, Philippines and Pakistan. I can’t believe how many views we have had, I never thought that our blog would be so popular and that it would make our son so famous before he’s even born.

30th August 2012, I saw the midwife today; Joel came with me and heard his son’s heartbeat nice and clear for the first time. Bump is measuring 30 centimetres so it’s growing well. BP is fine; Angelo’s heartbeat is fine, still nice and strong. Midwife had a look at my birth plan and said it was a very nice birth plan and has got a lovely opening to it. Anglo has been a right little wiggler today, we have been playing games with him too, he would kick me belly so we would poke him back and he would kick again, then we put an oasis bottle lid on my belly and was just sat watching it move when Angelo was moving about. Our little boy is so special to us, he is a little fighter and we are creating every single little memory that we can possibly create with him. Angelo’s favourite game is to use his daddy’s hand as a football. Mummy and Daddy love you so much Angelo Jack Smith.

1st September 2012, we are now 32 weeks and 3 days; I can now officially say that we are due our precious little boy next month. It’s scary but exciting all at the same time. Have had a bit of a downer day today, woke up this morning and just sat and cried, in a way the reality of the unknown hit me in the face, I want our precious little boy now more than ever. I went out to a friend’s house to distract my mind, we made cakes and made dinner, had a right laugh. I came home at about 8pm as had to be online for 8.30pm as there has been a secret stork parcel sitting on my table since Thursday and have been told that I’m under strict instructions not to open it until told, but tonight is finally the night. Have to wait until 9pm though, I had to start it off, had this message Right My GORGEOUS Ladies and Babies, There have been... 80 Babies, 79 Parcels 78 Ladies 32 Posting Days

30 Receiving Days Millions of Spreadsheet pages Hundreds of scared postmen Countless added grey hairs 1 or 2 Heart Attacks And a cup full of stress for good measure!

It can only mean one thing.... It's here my beautiful Ladies.... ♥ SECRET STORK DUE IN OCTOBER 2012 ♥

you have all been SUCH a pleasure to get to know, help and watch you all get so excited over this!!!

Stacey - You are to open first - Nearly all of the ladies in here have helped chip in towards your gift - so from all of us - Lots of Love! ♥

once Stacey has opened the rest of you are good to... READY - STEADY - GO!!!!!!

I opened it and cried but they were good tears, all I can say is that everyone who has been involved in it has been so thoughtful to me, Joel and Angelo Jack. We can’t thank you all enough.

2nd September 2012, I have been out all afternoon today, went to an event to raise money for Emily’s star. This was set up as Emily was another T18 baby, her mum and dad set up Emily’s star to help other children and to raise awareness of Edwards’s syndrome. Emily’s mummy and daddy are lovely people, they can relate to us in what we are going through and they understand us to. We are going to meet up again at some point as we are going to go out for lunch and a cup of tea when we are both free. It has defiantly been a lovely day, we have helped Emily’s star raise over £2000 alone today, they should now be able to register Emily’s star as a charity. I didn’t get home until gone 10pm, am off to bed now as it’s been a long day and I am done in, need some sleep well that’s if Angelo and his daddy let me sleep tonight.

6th September 2012, we are now 33 weeks and 1 day. Went back to Milton Keynes again today, saw another consultant but he works closely alongside Mr Hanna, he was lovely too, We set up a plan of action with regards to delivery, I will be left to go in to labour on my own, we don’t know when it will be as I have got too much fluid around Angelo, there’s too much fluid because he’s not swallowing properly due to his diaphragmatic hernia, they have said they think he has got heart problems because they can’t see his heart properly but I don’t believe it. I will get an appointment to see the bereavement midwife Tracy Rae, I will have a last ultrasound done to get good quality pictures over the next couple of weeks, I will get an ultrasound on admission to labour ward to get a last look at our son before I have him providing there is somebody there who can do it, I will have intermittent monitoring in labour but have asked not to be informed if there is any evidence of distress and I will meet with the neonatal team to discuss a plan of action with them. The consultant had a feel of Angelo but could not determine the position as there is too much fluid in the way which is making it harder to feel him. He had a read of my birth plan and is happy to give me what I have written in it. I know I have got some tasks to do before I have Angelo but I can’t do it, I don’t feel that I can. This should be the beginning of a new chapter, but deep down I know it’s the end, I know our son will pass away but I just don’t know when. No matter what time we get with our son we will value and treasure every second of it. Angelo Jack, mummy and daddy are not giving up on you no matter what, you are in control son nobody else, you are the one making the decisions, mummy and daddy love you so much. I can feel you wiggling around while I’m sat updating this, you are a right little wiggle bum.

9th September 2012, been packing boxes up today ready for moving out at the end of the month, packing Angelo’s things up felt absolutely awful, it felt like I had given up on him and was putting him away forever, I know in a sense it makes it easier that I know we are moving house but at the same time I know I probably won’t be able to use his things. I have kept out his clothes, teddy’s, blankets and his boxes that we have started. They are things that are not going anywhere just yet, in a way they are a comfort to me. When we went to be Angelo decided he was going to play football with his daddy’s hand, my god some of them kicks that he gave were big ones, it’s his way of saying mummy, daddy it’s ok, I’m still here and fighting.

10th September 2012, had a phone call today from Milton Keynes, I have got my last scan at 2.30 pm tomorrow, I have got all mixed emotions about it, I am also seeing the bereavement midwife tomorrow to, just to discuss our wishes for what we want to be done during and after Angelo’s birth. Had a parcel come from America today too, received a Gemma bear, had a little note with it too, I dived out of bed when I heard the door go because I knew what it was and didn’t want to wait any longer for it.

11th September 2012, went to Milton Keynes again today with Joel to have our last scan. Angelo still has the same problems as before, none of them have gone away or got any worse, they say he has a problem with his heart but I don’t believe it. I met Tracy Rae the bereavement midwife today as well. She tried to read my birth plan but couldn’t read it as it was making her cry; she took a copy of it away to read later. Angelo is still growing but not as well as he has been previously, his growth rate has started to drop off, his estimated weight is now 3 lb 10 ozs. I have got extra fluid around him, the deepest pool is not 9.5 cm, I need to edit my birth plan slightly as Milton Keynes have asked us our opinions on resuscitation and ventilation so they will resuscitate and ventilate if we want them to. I have asked for them to do intermittent monitoring of our sons heart beat during labour but I do not want them to discuss with us if our son shows any signs of distress. I will upload a scan picture later on when I have seen dad and scanned it in to the computer.

17th September 2012, we are now 34 weeks and 5 days in to the pregnancy. We went to Milton Keynes again today to see the neonatal consultant to discuss the plan of action, our wishes, feelings and thoughts. We have told them that we want to give our son the best possible chance and make him as comfortable as possible, we want him to be given oxygen, feeding tube, pain relief and if necessary ventilation but under no circumstances do we want him to be resuscitated. Plan of action is to assess thoroughly at birth, he will be assessed for breathing distress, warmed, dried and stimulated, if he is breathing regularly or gasping he will be given facial oxygen and airway will be opened, if he is not breathing then he will be comforted and given to us, he will not be given forced breaths but will be given oxygen. He will not be given and resuscitative measures i.e. no drugs or chest compressions, he will not be incubated for lung expansion. If he is spontaneously breathing and responds to oxygen and continues to react in a positive way, efforts will be made to transfer him to the neonatal unit. If he deteriorates before he is transferred to the neonatal unit he will be given to us with oxygen. In the neonatal unit he will be given palliative care and constantly assessed, they will keep us informed at every stage. We saw my consultant as well today and had another scan to have a good look at Angelo’s heart, his heart is in the right hand side of his chest, the right hand side of his heart is dilated with a small left side, the septum does not look normal, he has a complex cardiac problem to add to the list of his other problems. Angelo however is still growing and has got ridiculously long legs; his estimated weight is now 3lbs 11ozs. I know we are doing everything that we can possibly do for our son; it just hurts so much to think that he has got another problem so the odds are stacked against him and his chances of survival are further reduced .It hurts to think we probably won’t get to bring our son home. It hurts to think it should be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives but it will be the end

19th September 2012, we are 35 weeks exactly, so proud of my little man with what he is achieving. I have been and seen my midwife today, bump is measuring 33 centimetres, Angelo’s heartbeat is nice and regular at 148 beats per minute, and Angelo is starting to move down in to my pelvis, his head is 4/5ths palpable. I had my hair cut off today too, I walked in to the house and looked at Joel, he said excuse me love my wife will be home any minute do you mind leaving? Hello I am your wife, made me laugh so much. We are having a bump photo shoot done at 6.30 tonight, can’t wait for that, so excited. We enjoyed our photo shoot tonight, can’t wait to see the pictures.

21st September 2012, I had a phone call from the photographers today giving me our username and password for our pictures. I logged straight on and had a look at them, wow they are amazing.

23rd September 2012, we are now 35 weeks and 4 days, we went to build a bear today, we made our son a special bear, we named it baby Angelo. Angelo has been a right wiggle bum today, he’s been playing his usual games with his daddy, it’s so nice just to lay, feel and watch. I love my two boys so much.

26th September 2012, we are now 36 weeks in to the pregnancy, a stage where no doctor said that we would even get too. I am so proud of our special little boy, he’s fighting so hard and proving everyone wrong, he is a little star and such a big fighter. I have got to see my midwife again on the 3rd October and to see the consultant again on the 8th October. I have had a look at the statics on our blog as well today; we have now had 8485 views. It has been viewed in the UK, US, Australia, France, New Zealand, Germany, Italy, Poland, Slovenia, Russia, South Africa, Netherlands, Canada, Ireland, Switzerland, Argentina, Isle Of Man, Singapore, Gibraltar, United Arab Emirates, Denmark, Israel, Hungary, Chilli, Philippines and Pakistan.

30th September 2012, we are 36 weeks and 4 days in to the pregnancy, it has gone so quickly can’t believe that we are in October tomorrow and I can’t believe we only have 24 days left until Angelo’s due date, it’s scary to think he has fought this far but at the same time no one knows what time we have got left with him. I keep trying to picture his little face in my mind, part of me wants to see him now to see who he looks like and how much hair he’s got but at the same time another part of me wants him to stay put in my belly forever because I know he’s safe where he is. Last night I was sat on the sofa watching tele with Joel’s mum, we were sat eating chocolate buttons, I put a handful of chocolate buttons on my belly and Angelo was kicking them off, it was so funny to watch. It was the first time that Joel’s mum had seen my belly move so much. I am convinced that Angelo was saying mum I’m not your table so move everything off of me, Joel’s mum said that he was saying mum stop eating chocolate, who knows what he was trying to achieve apart from Angelo but he defiantly creates his mummy some lovely little memories. In the terms of t18 babies, Angelo is defiantly a little miracle as he is still going strong and fighting at this late stage in my pregnancy. I just hope and pray every day for a miracle and that he carries on fighting and carries on being a miracle. Angelo Jack your mummy and daddy love you so much and you are so special to everyone in the family.

3rd October 2012, we are now 37 weeks exactly; Angelo is doing very well and still proving the doctors wrong. I my midwife again today, she is very happy with Angelo and with me; she too is hoping and praying for a miracle. My bump is measuring 34 centimetres today so he is still growing. Angelo is 4/5 palpable so only 1/5 of his head is engaged in to my pelvis, I am surprised at this after moving stuff over the weekend. Angelo’s heart rate is nice and regular, it was 134 beats per minute today. I am going back to see my midwife again at 39 weeks, well providing I haven’t already had him and I see my consultant next week. Angelo still likes to play football with his daddy and with mummy’s ribs. I should be getting my pictures back next week too from our photo shoot so I will be sure to put some of them on so you can all see them.

4th October 2012, I spent the afternoon and evening at mum and dad’s house, I went and picked Laurissa up from school, we did the usual routine of going to the cake shop and then over to the other shop for magazine and sweets. When we got home she sat poking my belly trying to get Angelo to move but he wouldn’t move. I had some dinner and a cold drink, we sat reading Laurissa’s magazine and Angelo decided he was going to start moving and kicking. Laurissa put her hand on my belly and could feel him giving her nice big kicks and moving about, she loved it; her face was amazing to watch her expressions. Later on in the evening she came back for me, she was poking my belly to try to make him move but he wouldn’t move, mum sat squirming at Laurissa poking my belly, me and Laurissa did nothing but laugh at mum. Mum sat the other side of the room and could see Angelo moving about in my belly. The daft dog decided it was going to cuddle up to me and use my belly as a pillow, well that is until Angelo decided to move and kick the dog then the dog looked at me gone out and moved.

5th October 2012, we are 37 weeks and 2 days, only another 19 days until his due date, Angelo is doing so well. We are so proud of him. I am finding it so hard to stay positive now. When I go out I always get asked how long I have left, what I am having. These are so hard to answer as I don’t know the outcome with our son; I don’t know how much time that we have left with him, all I know is that he is poorly and nothing can change it. I am scared of not knowing how much time we have left with him, if I had a magic wand and could make it all go away then I would, my only wish is that I have our son with us forever and for him not to poorly. Angelo Jack mummy and daddy love you so much, you are out little miracle and our star. X x x x x x x x x

6th October 2012, we are now 37 weeks and 3 days, only another 18 days left until Angelo’s due date. Angelo has been sticking out his feet and arms out of the side of my belly. I have been out with mum and Laurissa most of the day today, bought Angelo a £30 bear for 20 pence, bargain of the day. Had a lovely take away with Joel then went up to blockbuster and rented some DVD’s, spent the evening in front of the tele chilling out and cuddled up watching different DVD’s. I had a look at the statics for our blog as well today; it has had 9048 views, let’s see if we can get it to 10000 views by the time Angelo is born.

8th October 2012, we are now 37 weeks and 5 days in to the pregnancy. I have been back to Milton Keynes again today and seen my consultant. Dad came with me as Joel was at work, the consultant did another scan. He said that Angelo has got ridiculously long legs. Angelo was being stubborn as he kept kicking and moving while my scan was being done, he was kicking the probe when trying to check the blood flows to him and the placenta, trying to scan his head to get a measurement he kept shaking his head. I am convinced he was saying no you’re not getting me today. My consultant is happy with Angelo and with me and says that I don’t have to go back and see him again until the 25th October. Hopefully I have had him by then as I really don’t want to be induced. I just have to see my midwife every week just to keep an eye on everything. Angelo is so active; he’s always moving and playing football with his daddy’s hand.

10th October 2012, we are now 38 weeks and Angelo is still going strong and fighting. Only another 2 weeks left until his due date. We got our special disk back today with the pictures on from our photo shoot, I will put some of them on to here but you can view them all on Angelo’s page on facebook, the link is https://www.facebook.com/groups/262631393838701/. Angelo got bought a lovely vest with his name on from his nanny and granddad too, it’s so cute. Angelo is making us so proud by getting this far and still fighting, he is our little miracle and we love him so much. Had a look at the stats for Angelo’s blog today, we have hit the 10 thousand mark and gone past it, we are now at 10282 views. I am amazed, so proud of our son, can’t believe we have gone past the 10 thousand mark, our target was 10 thousand by the time he’s born and we have hit that before he’s even born. Just want to say thank you to everyone who is reading and following our blog, feel free to share it, it will help us to get the awareness out there and open medical professional’s eyes. It will get the positives out in to this world that will help others that just get told the negatives and nothing positive.

14th October 2012, we are now 38 weeks and 4 days in to the pregnancy, Angelo is doing well, he’s fighting strong, and he is a little miracle. My bump is starting to drop down now too. Blog has had 10789 views to date, I can’t believe how well it is doing and how many views that it has had.

17th October 2012, we are now 39 weeks in to the pregnancy, I never thought in a million years that we would ever get this far, Angelo is so active, he’s far too comfy in my belly and is showing no sign of appearing anytime soon. I saw the midwife again today, my bump is measuring 36 centimetres, Angelo’s heart rate was 130bpm and he is now engaged in my pelvis by 2/5. Angelo is such a fighter, he’s so strong. I see my consultant again next week on Thursday (25/10/12) and I see the midwife again on 29/10/12. With any luck I have had him by then but at the moment he’s far too comfortable. Our blog has now had 11598 views.

21st October 2012, we are now 39 weeks and 4 days in to our pregnancy; we have got 3 days left until Angelo’s due date, a stage where we never thought that we would ever get too. Our son is such a little fighter, he’s a miracle already. Angelo is still fighting and proving all of the doctor’s wrong, we are so proud of him and what he has already achieved in these past few months. We can’t believe how far we have come from when we first found out in the beginning and to where we are now, Angelo loves to play football with his daddy even though he is a bit quieter than what he was but he is still moving about. He plays football first thing in the morning and last thing at night; occasionally he plays football throughout the day but not very often. The question is now are we going to have any more bump photos or will we have pictures of Angelo. Who knows what will happen apart from Angelo, Angelo is being just like his dad and likes to keep me waiting just like his daddy. I know Angelo will come when he’s ready, but please come soon son as mummy and daddy would like to meet you and have you in our arms, Mummy would also like to have her body back now too, please and thank you son, we love you so much, carry on fighting and proving them doctors wrong. We have had 12383 views of our blog, I am amazed. If it carries on at this rate we will end up with 15000 views before he is born.

25th October 2012, we are now 40 weeks and 1 day in to the pregnancy, who would have thought I would still have been here now. We saw the consultant at Milton Keynes again today, they did a stretch and sweep and booked me in for induction of labour. The induction has been booked in for Monday 29th October. Angelo is now 3/5 engaged in to my pelvis. They said that my cervix was 1centimeter long, 1 centimetre dilated, the cervix is soft and central, and his head is sitting at a station of minus 3.They said the cervix is favourable for induction. They did a scan just to check all of the blood flows to the placenta, cord and to Angelo. His estimated weight is now 5 pounds exactly. I have to ring labour ward at 8am on Monday to ring up to make sure they have a bed for me and for them to give me a time to go in. They can’t confirm that he has got an omphalecele and they are not 100 per cent sure about his heart, we will just have to wait and see what condition he is born in and asses from there. I am having intermittent monitoring as no need for continuous as they won’t act on any signs of fetal distress, they also won’t do a caesarean section for fetal indication, they will only do it for maternal reasons if absolutely necessary. I am scared, apprehensive and excited all at the same time, my head and emotions are everywhere. Yes ok I now have a date but it’s a date where I know that Angelo will become so much more vulnerable, the safest place is for him to be in me but I know that he can’t stay there forever. Angelo Jack, mummy and daddy love you so much, carry on fighting and proving them doctors wrong, you have already stuck your fingers up to them and proved them wrong to even come this far, your mummy and daddy as so proud of you. Angelo pleas be born before Monday as mummy really doesn’t want inducing, mummy wants to be left to do it on her own. Our blog has had 13865 views to date.

27th October 2012, we are now 40 weeks and 3 days in to the pregnancy, I had a very bad night, I went to bed at about 11pm and fell asleep at about 1am, I was awake by 4am with bad back ache and period type pains that were going down my legs and in to my thighs. I got up at about half 5 and was walking around the house as I was so uncomfortable, I had some paracetamol at 6 and went back to bed to try and go back to sleep. I fell back asleep and woke up at 8.30, I still had period type pains, I got up at 9 and went to the bathroom, and I had a very bloody show. I rang my mum and rang labour ward. Labour ward asked me a lot of questions and told me to stay at home for as long as I could manage, they did tell me due to me being anxious about being in Northampton and having to travel to Milton Keynes, I could go in to be assessed if I wanted to but if they assessed me and I was not in established labour then I would be sent home again. I told them that I would stay at home for now, they told me to have a bath and have some paracetamol and if I wanted to go in at any point then to ring them up again. I had a bath but this made it worse so I got out, got dried and dressed and put my TENS machine on. I came downstairs and had a cup of tea and 2 bits of toast, later on I had a banana. I have spent most of the morning sitting bouncing on my ball and listening to music. I have also spent some of the morning on my laptop on facebook talking to my friends. I was supposed to go to town this morning for a cup of tea and a catch up with one of my friends but its defiantly not going to happen now today, I may try and go for a walk at lunch time with the in-laws and the dogs to keep things going and try to speed it up at bit. Angelo Jack please be born before Monday so that mummy doesn’t have to be induced, this is painful enough as it is but I have to keep thinking that each pain is 1 pain closer to meeting our special boy. Carry on fighting and prove them doctors wrong, you need to meet so many special people; we all love you so much. I rang the hospital again at 3pm telling them I was coming in as I could no longer cope at home, Joel went and picked up my mum and came back to pick me up. We got to the hospital at about 15.45; I was examined at about 5pm and was found to be 8centimeteres. I was using the entonox when I got to the hospital as the contractions were more intense. Of course Joel had a few puffs of the entonox, I don’t remember much about my labour, and I can’t even remember the name of my midwife who delivered Angelo. Angelo Jack was born at 18.39, he was born alive, and he was given oxygen and assessed. He was dried and wrapped and given to us. Angelo didn’t pass until he had met his mummy, daddy, nanny, grandad, auntie Laurissa, Uncle Nicholas, peter nanny, pappy and his auntie Mel. He had a cuddle with everyone before he passed. Angelo Jack is just so perfect in every way. He passed and went to be with his great grandad, great grandma, Auntie Andrea and all his T18 friends at 20.30 on 27th October 2012. Angelo weighed a perfect 4 pounds 11 ounces and was 48.5 centimetres long.

Everyone left the hospital by 10.30 pm and left me and Joel with Angelo Jack. I had to leave Angelo with his daddy as I had to go to theatre to be stitched up as Angelo shot out of me so quickly that he gave me a 3rd degree tare. I wasn’t impressed about having to go to theatre and have a spinal done to make me numb so that they could repair me. The spinal scared me even more than the labour pains, I am so proud of myself for the fact that I did my whole labour only using entonox, tens machine and paracetamol. Mum and Joel watched Angelo be born, they said that he flew out of me; the midwife said he came out so quick that the remaining water behind him flew across the room and hit the curtain, door and the neonatal doctor. The midwife also told me that Angelo was born with his head back and looking up to the sky; he was being a star gazer. Malcolm came from now I lay me down to sleep and took some photos of us and of Angelo. Angelo is just so perfect in every way, he’s far too beautiful for this earth, and I know he will be watching over us from above.

28th October 2012, Tracy the bereavement midwife came in to see us today, she did the casts and foot prints of Angelo’s feet with us, we have got a lock of his hair. Overnight last night I had Joel and Angelo in bed with me, we all slept together and had cuddles together. We got Angelo put in the Angel room for tonight, we gave him a kiss and a cuddle and said goodnight to him and that we would see him in the morning. The midwife took him to the angel room, I fell asleep eventually. Auntie Terrie and Uncle Paul came in today to see us along with my Nan. They came in and had a cuddle with Angelo. Katie came in too today to come and see us.

29th October 2012, I saw my consultant today, he was happy for me to go home whenever I was ready. My god parents came in to see us, Uncle Mick and Auntie Maureen had a cuddle with Angelo, Uncle Mick sat talking to Angelo and rocking him, he was over the moon with him. Mathew and Jessica came in yesterday too; they both had a cuddle with Angelo too. We left the hospital to come home at about 8pm that was the hardest thing to do, knowing that I had to leave our special little boy behind. I will be sorting out his funeral arrangements with our family over the next few days. The sooner the better because then we can get Angelo home where he belongs.

30th October 2012, I am home but feeling so empty. I am so proud of our son, I carried him for 40 weeks and 3 days, we spent some precious time with our special boy, and we created so many memories. I know he will be watching over us, he will be playing games up in heaven. Angelo will always be with us where ever we go; he will always live in our heart and mind. I carry his blanket around everywhere with me because it’s got his smell on it, gives me a bit of comfort knowing I have that with me. Angelo Jack we love you so much, miss you so much already too. X x x x x x x x Good night Angelo Jack, mummy and daddy love you so much, fly high baby boy, watch over us, guide us and give us strength.

31st October 2012, I had to go and register Angelo’s birth and death today. The hardest thing was registering his death. My boobs started leaking last night too; it hurts so much thinking that there is milk there that won’t be getting used, when it should be getting used by Angelo. Tracy came to see me today, she bought me the casts of Angelo’s feet, they are amazing, and they have come out so clear. We will never forget his little feet, they mean everything to us. Angelo sent us a rainbow today, it was as bright and clear as you like, I took a photo of it but it’s very very faint on the photo even though it was very bright in the sky, I think Angelo is playing games with us and being a right cheeky little monkey. Thank you so much Angelo, you have made mummy’s day, I love you so much son.

2nd November 2012, Angelo came back to Northampton today; he’s finally at the funeral directors.  Angelo was playing games this morning, the cheeky little monkey that he is, I heard the knocker go on the door 4 times, I got up to have a look, there was nobody at the door then I heard the letter box go and I got up to have a look and again nobody was there. I believe it was his way of saying mummy I’m home and I’m still around, I’m watching over you. Me and Joel went to see him this afternoon, I walked in the room and he was wrapped in his monkey blanket and dressed in his mummy’s little man vest and I love daddy baby grow. I had to unwrap him from his blanket and check to make sure he was left in the same clothes that we put him in and that he had his nappy on. He looked so peaceful and perfect laid in a white Moses basket. He looked like he was sleeping. We put his teddy bear in with him as he looked so small and lost in the Moses basket. I picked him up and had a cuddle; daddy had a cuddle with him too. We sat talking to him and telling him stories. Daddy was farting and blaming Angelo, We lit a candle for him as there were candles in the room with him. We sat with Angelo for about an hour and then went to mums after. I gave Angelo a kiss and put him back in the Moses basket and told him I loved him and I would see him tomorrow with daddy and his great grandparents. When we went to mums Laurissa gave me a picture that she drew for Angelo, she said Stacey send this to Angelo so when we go and see him again tomorrow morning I will put it in with him for her. 
3rd November 2012, took Joel’s grandparents to go and see Angelo today, they were over the moon with him. Went to town with Joel today too, went to the tattoo shop with Angelo’s footprints, told them what I wanted doing and they are designing me my tattoo using his footprints. I am going back to see Angelo on Monday after we have sorted out his funeral arrangements. I can’t wait to see the design for my special tattoo.  I set up a memorial page to Angelo, The link is http://angelo.jack.smith.27.10.2012.muchloved.com/frame.aspx?. You can light candles on there and write little messages to Angelo too.
5th November 2012, Midwife came to see me at home again today; she has taken my notes away to copy for me and will bring them back to me on Thursday so that I have a copy to keep. I won’t be discharged from midwifery care yet as they feel it’s too soon to discharge me and want to keep a closer eye on me. I have to go to the funeral directors this afternoon to sort out Angelo’s funeral with his daddy, then I can go and have my cuddle with Angelo and see our special little boy. We received Angelo’s photos in the post this morning from now i lay me down to sleep.

 6th November 2012, went and saw my godmother today, had such a laugh over there, Nanny gnome said she had a white feather on her pyjama bottoms this morning, I believe Angelo sent it to her. Angelo was playing games with the front door again today too, it kept knocking but nobody was there, he’s being so cheeky. We went and saw Angelo with his daddy. We spent an hour with him before we came home.

7th November 2012, should have a phone call today with a date being confirmed for Angelo’s funeral. We have asked for family flowers only and then anyone else can make a donation to Angelo’s fund to get his charity set up for 4d scans so that we can pay for other people with trisomy babies to have them done. Rang the midwife again today as my wound down below is starting to open up, I have to go to the doctors and get another 2 courses of antibiotics. Angelo Jack is determined to make mummy wait even longer to have her vodka. The vicar rang us today to arrange an appointment to come and see us; he’s coming tomorrow morning at 11am to arrange the funeral service arrangements for Angelo Jack. We went and spent an hour with Angelo; I gave him a cuddle and lots of kisses and sat talking to him and telling him stories about his mummy and daddy. We put him back in his Moses basket and said goodnight to him, told him we loved him and that we would be back tomorrow.

8th November 2012, my midwife came to see me again today, she’s on holiday for 2 weeks now and will come and see me again when she gets back. The vicar father Nicholas came to see us today to discuss Angelo’s service with us and what we wanted. We have decided that Angelo will travel with us and we will carry him in. We will have family flowers only and anyone else can make a donation to get Angelo’s charity started up. Angelo’s funeral is on Wednesday 14th November at 11am.We went and saw Angelo again today, spent an hour with him, we told him stories about mummy and daddy.

9th November 2012, we went in to town today to have a look at the designs for Angelo Jack’s special tattoo that we are having done. Wow my butterfly design is amazing, it’s so much better than I imagined. I am going to have it done tomorrow so that it’s done before his funeral on Wednesday and then I will always have a part of him with me. Going to see Angelo this afternoon and I will be telling him all about his special tattoo. Mummy and Daddy love you so much Angelo Jack.

10th November 2012, we went and saw Angelo this morning, spent an hour with him, talking to him and having cuddles with him. We told him all about out tattoos and that today is the day that we finally get them done. After we had had our cuddle with him we put him back in to the Moses basket with his bears, drawings that Laurissa and Peter done, photo of Mummy and Daddy, poem that Auntie Jean wrote and his red rose from Mummy and Daddy. We said goodnight, told him that we loved him and that we would be back on Monday afternoon to see him again. This afternoon we went to have our special tattoos done in memory of Angelo Jack, ouch it was painful but Angelo is worth every ounce of pain. I absolutely love our tattoos; they are amazing and mean so much to us. 

12th November 2012, went to see Angelo again today, spent an hour with him. We were talking to him and telling him stories. Miss him so much already, I just wish I could make everything all right and bring him back to us.

13th November 2012, going to see Angelo for the last time today before his funeral tomorrow, absolutely dreading it, feel sick to the stomach just thinking about it. I don’t want to let my son go and say goodbye to him, I want him to be with here with us and not for him to be an angel. It’s just not fair, we would of looked after him and loved him, it’s such a cruel world, it makes me so angry when you look around at people and at the world and you see so much of people that are not looking after their children properly or dumping their children on every tom dick and harry. I still can’t stop asking myself questions, why did this happen to us? Why were we given our son for him to be taken away? I try and think positive and look forward to the future but it’s not always easy. We went and saw Angelo Jack again today for the last time, we sat talking to him and holding him close. For me it’s been a day of tears, it was hard knowing I was seeing him for the last time and leaving him behind. We put him back in his Moses basket, gave him a kiss and said goodnight to our precious boy. I left in tears today but I know that Angelo will always be with me, he will always be in my heart and watching over me. I love you so much Angelo Jack, you are the brightest star in the sky shining so brightly.

14th November 2012, today is the day of Angelo’s funeral, I hardly slept last night but then neither did Joel. I was up at 7.30 this morning, fighting back the tears. I went on my laptop to try and distract my mind; we went and got ready at 10am. Angelo came home briefly at 10.30; we left at 10.35 to get up to the crematorium for 11am. We travelled with Angelo and held on to him in his coffin all the way up. We carried his coffin in to lay our precious boy to rest. We put his coffin down and told him we loved him and gave him a kiss goodnight. We lit our precious sons candle at the beginning of the service and blew it out for him at the end. We had I’m your angel by Celine Dion played when we bought him in and fly by Celine Dion when we came out. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the crematorium. It was a beautiful service. We only had family flowers and those who wish to have made donations to Angelo’s fund in his memory, we are using his fund to set up a charity to pay for other people with trisomy’s to pay for them to have 4d scans. We came home and had something to eat and plenty of drinks, we let Angelo’s balloons off at home as they were going to be done at the crematorium but we both forgot about them being in the car so we just bought them home and done it at home. Each balloon had a little note attached to the string explaining why it was released and for whoever finds them to write a card or a letter back to us telling us where it was found and which balloon it was that they have found. 4 balloons were released in total and we also released some lateens when it was dark. It was beautiful, well until one got stuck in the tree in the garden so dad had to get up the step ladder and release it with the washing line pole so that it could carry on floating up in to the night sky. There had to be 1 that got stuck in the tree and didn’t want to float away, we were all laughing.

15th November 2012, we sorted out the house today and tried to get back to normality as best as we can. We took Angelo’s flowers up to the crematory and put them on to my Grandad’s grave, my big sister’s grave and Michael’s grave. They look absolutely beautiful on their graves. I kept 2 bunches of flowers at home and put them on the table. Love you so much Angelo Jack, can’t stop thinking about you my special boy.

17th November 2012, Angelo Jack you should be 3 weeks old today, not a day goes by where Mummy and Daddy don’t think about you. I can’t believe how quick all this time has gone, it’s just flown by. One day just seems to roll in to the next. Mummy and Daddy miss you so much son, it’s not the fact of knowing you have gone to be an angel its knowing you are never coming back that’s killing us more than anything else. We will have you home soon and believe me that day can’t come quick enough, we just want your ashes home so that you are at home with us and where you belong.

19th November 2012, we finally got our precious little boy home today; he’s now at home, home where he belongs. So glad he’s home, now I might be able to relax a bit more because I know he’s safe here with us. He’s staying at home with us for as long as we want him here until we are ready to bury him. Angelo is sitting on top of the chest of draws with all his teddy bears and underneath the casts of his feet. Love you so much Angelo Jack, miss you millions but I know you are always in your mummy’s and daddy’s mind and heart. You are the brightest star in the sky and you are watching over us. 

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