Baby D's story
We decided to have an early scan as I had been so sick during lockdown that our daughter Brooke was worried and asking why I was so sick. So, we wanted to reassure her that mummy was okay, and as everything seemed fine, we told her she was going to be a big sister.
We never imagined that just a few weeks later, at our twelve-week scan, they would say something was wrong and send us up to the ward. The wait was unbearable, and after speaking to a specialist, we were sent home to wait for a call to see another specialist.
We saw the specialist late that afternoon and were then given the option of saying goodbye there and then or waiting until 16 weeks for tests, to know if our baby had trisomy 13 or more likely trisomy 18. Our world came crashing down around us in seconds. It’s a pain that can never be described, and no one should have to go through it.
We had never even heard of these conditions until then. To be called on my birthday to confirm my bloods backed up what the specialists thought was like being stabbed in the heart. We were given the same option again, but the decision for us was easy: we couldn’t give up and decided to wait for more tests and in the hope of a miracle.
Telling Brooke was another horrible time; how do you tell a child they may never meet their sibling? How can the world be so cruel? Brooke was so incredibly brave; she truly is one amazing little girl.
Those four weeks were the toughest: to know your baby is growing and the bond is growing stronger. When we were told at sixteen weeks that our angel had given up and grown her wings, nothing could prepare us for that reality.
The book we were given to explain to Brooke was wonderful, and we still read it now and all talk about our angel. Brooke is truly brave.
Two days later, we went back to the ward, and our angel was born. Holding her was a moment we will never forget and will treasure forever.
Our beautiful angel born into heaven.
We then waited a month for results to confirm that it was trisomy 18 and that there was nothing we did wrong or could have done to prevent it.
We feel there is not enough awareness of trisomy and what it is, and we are so grateful to SOFT UK for their support throughout, as well as the charity Sands.
We also couldn’t have got through all of this without certain family and friends who were there for us every day, day in and day out. We can never thank them enough.
One thing this has taught me is that it is so important to talk about loss and not hide away from it, which is why I have decided to share our story.
It will be Baby D’s anniversary on 22nd April, two years since we lost her, and for me, remembering is an important part of my lifelong journey of grief.
To lose something so great is to lose a huge part of yourself. With such painful, unimaginable heartbreak comes the rebirth of the person you are, the person you will meander through life as.
I feel I now know the depths of despair my heart and body are capable of enduring and then surviving.
We never move on. We never get over it. We never heal, but we move forward and are so grateful to now have Harper, our beautiful Rainbow baby who has just turned one, and to say that our family is complete.
It’s amazing the number of times I have been asked since Harper was born if she is our first or how many children we have. My answer is always 3, 3 girls with one of them being in heaven.
Written by Krista Doggett